Don't hear a no until you hear a no

My husband said those words to me some 11 years ago when we started dating.

You see, I used to be so scared of rejection, because of how it made me feel. Those who know me personally know how easily I tear up. Rejection made me do that a lot! Sometimes, I would clench my jaws so hard to hold back the tears. Hearing No made me feel like I was not good enough, like I didn’t measure up. I totally hated hearing it.

So I decided to do the ‘logical’ thing – to stop asking. It didn’t matter how much I wanted it. Whether it was an opportunity at work or outside work, a relationship, a favour, whatever. I didn’t ask.

Phew! No more rejection. He who asketh not getteth not rejection, right? 😊

It felt good for some time. My tear ducts rested, my jaws rested, my heart rested.

But I also knew deep down that I was shortchanging myself. Opportunities and relationships passed me by.

All appeared well but nothing was well.

So when Hubstar said “DON’T HEAR A NO UNTIL YOU HEAR A NO”, it jarred me!

I was holding back from asking because I imagined that I’d hear a No.

What if they weren’t going to say No?

Why had I struck myself out before even giving myself a fighting chance at success?

Why did I think so little of myself?

I resolved to change. It was hard but I knew I deserved more.

First step was to demystify No, because even though I had decided not to hear a no until I heard a No, I needed to be comfortable with hearing Nos.

Little by little, I demystified No and began asking again.

I can tell you, from experience, that not asking and not putting yourself out there is robbing you of opportunities and relationships.

You deserve better. You know you do.

My charge to you is DON’T HEAR A NO UNTIL YOU HEAR A NO.

Give yourself a fighting chance at success.

Love always,


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